Beware the Blob!
Monday, November 22nd, 2010Here for your view pleasure, is Beware The Blob from Image Entertainment!
Archive for the ‘Movies’ CategoryBeware the Blob!Monday, November 22nd, 2010Here for your view pleasure, is Beware The Blob from Image Entertainment!
The Rules for Surviving a Horror MovieThursday, November 18th, 2010Alright. Here you are. You’ve woken up and have found yourself in a horror movie where a killer/monster is on the loose, and you have no easy way of escape? What do you do now? How will you survive the night withought becoming some killer’s next victim, or a monster’s snack break? Let’s find out! Here are some easy to follow rules concerning finding yourself in the middle of a horror movie and have no easy way out. When it appears you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it’s really dead. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. Do not go search for something in the basement, especially if the power has just gone out. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not speak, or if they speak to you using a voice which is not their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you the grief in the long run. *NOTE* It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off or go alone. As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to Hell. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum or any other house of the dead. If you are searching for something which caused a loud noise and you find out it’s just the cat, leave the room immediatey if you value your life. If appliances start operating by themselves, move out. Do not take *anything* from the dead. If you find a town which looks deserted, it’s probably for a good reason. Take the hint and stay away. Do not fool around with recombinant DNA technology unless you’re sure you know what you are doing. If you’re running away from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it’s still moving fast enough to catch up with you. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, developing a fascination with blood, glowing eyes, foaming at the mouth and increasing hairiness, get away from them as fast as possible. Stay away from certain geographical locations. Such as: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle or any small town in Maine. If your car runs out of gas late at night, do not go to the nearby deserted looking house to call for help. Likewise if your car has broken down, and the only refuge for miles is that creepy old mansion/castle on the hill. Stay in the car. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, lawnmowers, butane torches, smoldering irons, band saws or any device made from deceased companions. Listen closely to the soundtrack and pay attention to the audience. They are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be. Never listen to music that contains staccato shrieking violins. If you are a woman, never strip and take a shower in slow motion. Do not keep all your sharpened kitchen knives in one of those wooden block thingies on your work surface. The first woman to either lose or remove her clothing is dead meat. The guy with the testosterone overdose is also dead meat. Along with the guy that is always making jokes When you are searching a house because you think there is something dangerous there, turn on the damn lights! Never back out of one room into another without looking. It’s always behind you. If you are traveling with friends, never let any hitch hikers into the van with you. It’ll be the worst (if not the last) day of your life. Never babysit. If the killer has stalked you over the phone lines, don’t take a job as a phone counselor. Never let someone hypnotize you at a party. Stay away from sewers. If you sense something is behind you, don’t bother turning around to check. Just run. If you are trying to escape the killer, sliding through the cat door in the electronic garage door will not help you any. After you manage to kill the monster/killer, never sit beside it and cry. It will suddenly pop back up to finish the job. Never go to camp or become a counselor. You’ll be dead by the end of summer. Never say “I’ll be right back.” You won’t be back. End of story. Don’t ever do something just because someone dares you to. If you ever visit some distant planet and find objects that look like eggs, LEAVE THEM ALONE!!! Then when one of your spaceship’s crew members finds a hideous parasite attached to his body (as a result of breaking the pervious rule), don’t let him back on the ship. When a hideous alien menace is hunting you (as a result of breaking the previous two rules) NEVER wander off alone to hunt for the ship’s cat. El Monstro Del Mar!Wednesday, November 17th, 2010Three stunning but deadly hired killers, Beretta, Blondie and Snowball, settle in a small beachside district to keep a low profile. But, of course, this place has a sinister secret. The local old sea tycoon, Joseph, tries desperately, but to no avail to alert them that they should never go into the water. Naturally, these outrageous hotties won’t listen to anyone, especially not some crazy old man. So the beast of the deep, the Kraken, awakes! Now, together with Joseph, plus his beautiful grand daughter, Hannah, they have no choice but to battle for their lives against this enraged being from the unfathomable depths as the sea rises in a tidal wave of blood. Halloween RevisitedTuesday, November 16th, 2010Recently the family had visited Disneyland this past Halloween week, and ever since, the kids have been obsessed with The Nightmare Before Christmas. They got the movie on Blu-Ray, they’ve been listening to the music soundtrack….it’s like Halloween Town in the house. I then found that my nephew put this up on Youtube so we can all enjoy a little Jack music. It’s This is Halloween by Marilyn Manson. |
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