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This is James Christian chiming in from Channel 15 K-U-M at 9 at night. We come to you with grave news that a Werewolf attack has happened in the streets of Gilbert Arizona. We now go to the hairy ass beast who looks like his mom F*cked Big Foot for a corndog Brandon Kyle. Brandon is your dumbass there?

Yes James I am here and as always, you smell like a rotted fish and I wiped my ass with that hair piece on the top of your head. ~smiles big~ Tonight I stand here on the corner of Gilbert and Guadalupe, a corner James mom knows well seeing as how this is the whore corner she worked for so many years and was injected with the demon seed that is James Christian. Another call girl was killed tonight here by the name of Sylvia “Junk In The Trunk” Jennifer. She was obviously doing her duties when the werewolf raised his claws high into the air calling down the powers of Gray skull and injecting its nails into the top of her skull while parting the sea to eat her brains. She honestly did not stand a chance. All that is left is a vessel of what could have been, besides a buffet of brain tasting and hookerdom. I bow my head in a prayer for this young hooker and only wish I could have gotten a piece before she went because she was rather fine.

~James~ Hey! Show some respect man, she is dead for Christ’s sake!

~Brandon~ Hey I am showing respect, but look at that butt, it is rather nice and fluffy kind of like your face, you fat bastard.

~James~ I am not getting into this with you tonight!

~Brandon~ Ya that is what your wife tells you every night when you try to get some huh you fluffy ball of cotton candy.

~James~ My relationship with my mother I mean my wife has nothing to do with this!

~Brandon~ Wait, wait, did you just say your mother when we were discussing your wife? Is your wife also your mother? Do you hear the voices Norman…Does the Bates Motel need you back working the counter Norman? MOTHER IS TALKING TO YOU NORMAN!

~James~ I do not have to take this! I am leaving  (James unplugs and leaves)

~Brandon~ Yah, unplug and go away I can run the show. (changes voice to mock James) I am fat and worthless and named James. I sleep with my mother and screw sheep on the side as I play with my fake hairpiece and hope to get ass raped by a ravenous werewolf one day, rawr rawr rawr I am James. (Chuckles to himself) Alright other then the dead hooker on the corner whom I wish was A DEAD HOOKER IN A TRUNK the sleepy town of Gilbert Arizona is back to being the mormon run crap hole it always has been. Tune in next week for another exciting Breaking News Report on the K-U-M network. I am Brandon Kyle (changes voice to James) and I am a future Biggest Loser Contestant James Christian signing off.

By: Kristian J. Hanson